Bharat ke is Nirman pe shaq hai mera
When advertisements take precedence over governance, Congress spokespersons spring up like weeds over the decaying nation littered with Congress debris. In the hinterlands of the 1970s and 1980s, weeds automatically growing in fertile land were termed as “Congress Koora” (literally, Congress dirt) by the ordinary janata, for want of a better expression. Congress Koora had literally come to symbolise the wasted years of Nehruvian socialism. Today, Congress Kooda has entered our drawing rooms, courtesy, “Bharat Nirman”.
How can the most corrupt Government in the democratic history of the world claim the mantle of development without being ridiculed by ordinary voters? Congress never asks such questions before creating gargantuan jokes like Bharat Nirman. Mediocrity is a virtue that Congressmen wear with pride, for how can you be more intelligent or talented than your Dynastic leaders? Thus Congress spokespersons come up with a brilliant idea: “Let us tell India that we have built Bharat in the last 10 years, even though it is not visible to the naked eye.” At the heart of this brilliant idea is the assumption that all of India has the vision of the optometric wonder kid Sushil Kumar Shinde and the IQ levels of the modern day Newtonian genius, Rahul Gandhi.
India and Indians, fortunately, are far wiser than our rulers presume them to be. Thus, even though Bharat Nirman is nothing but a colossal waste of tax-payer’s rupees, India is making good use of it. We have created new Bharat Nirman jokes which have become synonymous with everything in India that doesn’t work. For instance, visit any village in the height of summer and the village folk will take you to their very own ‘Bharat Nirman Tullu Pump’, where water is the only thing that is not pumped out! It is an expensive joke no doubt, but at least the UPA has finally managed to bring a smile to the ordinary people.
Niti Central: Bharat ke iss Nirman pe shaq hai mera
In order to understand the joke that is Bharat Nirman, let us consider the five premises on which this joke is based:
1. One of the primary goals of Bharat Nirman (as per the official release) is to provide electrification to the “remaining” 40,000 villages. Isn’t it a shame that 40,000 villages still don’t have electricity connections after 60 years of Congress rule? Even if you do provide these villages with electricity, where will you bring the electricity from? You have already scammed the raw material (coal) away! (Congress spokespersons might answer: Wait for another 60 years, we will release relevant ads in 2073.)
2. UPA mocks at USA in one of the Bharat Nirman advertisements, suggesting that UPA3 will provide jobs to US returnees. An economy that is 8 times bigger than ours is supposed to beg for jobs from Sonia Gandhi, especially when we are growing slowest in a decade at 5 per cent.
3. A lady in a train exalts the virtue of — hold your breath — bank nationalisation! An event that preceded the UPA by 3 decades is hailed today, because, had Indira Gandhi not nationalised the banks then, all the Ponzi schemes of the UPA would never have gotten the required unsecured loans from the banks – 2G, coal blocks etc. Indira’s vision must be hailed by every crook worth his salt.
4. Forty per cent rural teledensity is supposed to be another of UPA’s virtues which is nothing but stealing credit from the previous NDA Government. When NDA formulated the telecom policy, it became one of the first regimes to implement the revolutionary CPP (calling party pays), whereas when UPA formulated the telecom policy it created so many zeroes that we are still counting. Had there been a UPA/Congress Government in 1998-99, we would still be paying for even receiving calls on our mobile phones.
Really, what takes the cake in the Bharat Nirman ads is the subtle attempt to hint at Congress’ achievement of computerisation of India. A ticket-checker suggests that mobile-train-ticketing is UPA’s gift to India. That is about as hilarious as Kapil Sibal’s attempt at playing Steve Jobs.
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A story teller and aspiring writer with special interests in Indian electoral politics || Literary Crimes